Thornums blogg

Två för magen. <br> <br>två för huvet. <br> <br>ett för sorglöshet. <br> <br>ett för fridfullhet. <br> <br>Ett för dem ärr jag har. <br> <br>två för det hjärta jag råkar inneha. <br> <br>ett för mina drömmar. <br> <br>två för mina tankar om själv för spilan. <br> <br>tre för mina värden. <br> <br>men finns inget piller i världen. <br> <br>som fungerar emot tystnaden. <br> <br>ensamheten. <br> <br>eller otillräckligheten. <br>

Långsamt. <br> <br>Plågsamt. <br> <br>Ensamt. <br> <br>i avskildhet. <br> <br>Förruttnar. <br> <br>Och försjunker jag. <br> <br>Ut i tomheten. <br> <br>Som damm i vinden. <br> <br>Försvinner jag. <br>

Shudderd fists... <br>I can barely hold my arms straight. <br>Rageing sadness from within. <br>Bottles staggering tall. <br>I can't clear my head out. <br> i wish i had the courage to die. <br>Telling friends and family that im fine. <br>I scrape my Nails into my thighs. <br>i pray to god that i could die. <br>Every wall i create, every maze that i make. <br>I decimate and diminish with my own self hate. <br>In my mind i hear my demons play. <br>Speaking through voices. <br>Saying that i'm weak. <br>It's sweet Lovely torture with emotional pain. <br>Please someone awake me from this hell. <br>Scratching my face bloody and red. <br>Laughing while i watch the darkness devours my soul. <br>Tears flushing dowm my Eyes as the voices whispers... <br>To night... is the night you die. <br>

By the time i was there it was already too late. <br>The water had gone cold and so had your veins. <br>Why was all I could think, why would you do this to me? <br>Selfish of course I know, but that’s what my mind kept telling my heart. <br>And slowly I fell to my knees on the floor. <br>The man of my dreams, the most handsome person I’d ever seen. <br>Tears fall from my chins, as I pull you up, and pull you closer to me. <br>Harrowingly I pull my fingers through your hair. <br>Hair that used to be smooth and filled with life, now it’s soaked and full of blood. <br>What can I do? What can I do? I hear myself repeat. <br>God please tell me what to do? I look upon he’s face, it’s all grey and pale. <br>Closed eyes and darkened lips, I can also see you have taken all the pills. <br>The question why echoes through my head. <br>A question that I fear will forever haunt me. <br>Shouting on top of my Lungs, even though I know there’s no one there to hear. <br>Please someone help! Please someone help me! <br>Seeking comfort i some way, i pull you closer to me. <br> Aguishly crying i slowly place my hand on he’s chest. <br>But there is nothing left for me to feel, no life, no light. <br>No more smile’s, no more tears of joy. <br>No more sweet late hours, no more loveable moments at day. <br>Please I hear, Please come back to me I hear myself say. <br>You know I can’t stand a life without you here, right next to me. <br>I need you, I need you here more than ever. <br>Please come back for me, please… <br>The question still echoes I my head, this can’t be it. <br>And in all the emotions of guilt, aguish and despare. <br>I just leaned in, and kissed him… <br>And that’s when I felt it, he’s heart started pumping again… <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br> <br>

I can't see what you are to blame, I’m too empty to pretend. <br>I wished you to live, and so you did. <br>But i did never comprehend that the end was closing in. <br>I’m to empty for the shadows and fade, i just wished that i could be alive again. <br>But to wish is to pretend, that none of this would ever have happened. <br>To pretend is wishing that it all could end, but i would never pretend that you and i should end. <br>I’m so empty that i could nearly pretend, pretend that it all just would end. <br>But to pretend is like wishing that it all just could end, and i would never wish that you and i would end. <br>I’m empty and I’m crying for it, I’m bleeding and I’m crawling for it. <br>I’m burning and i get hanged for it. <br>i wish’s that i could do something about it, but to wish is to pretend that i could be ok again. <br>I can't see this all through, i wished i did, but i can't, because of the pain you once did. <br>I once wished that you once was true, but now i can't, <br>Because none would care about you. <br>I’m empty and I’m crying for it, I’m empty and I’m bleeding for it, <br>I’m empty for all that i once cared and I’m empty because there is no one there, <br>I’m empty because that no one cared about it and now... <br>i'm dying for it. <br> <br> <br>

Snälla du berätta nu. <br>säg mig nu vad jag ska göra. <br>Om jag bara borde gömma, eller bara försöka glömma. <br>Mina känslor för dig, som ännu brinner djupt inom mig. <br>Min känsla utav din lena hud mot min. <br>Mina tankar om att någonsin få röra vid, känna vid dina läppar igen. <br>Jag ville så gärna att det allt skulle bli sant att det till slut blev försent. <br>Och nu kan jag bara sitta ner på mina knän och önska, önska att kunna dra tillbaka tiden, och göra om den som jag vill. <br>Och snälla du. <br>Säg hur jag ska känna. <br>När allt jag tycks röra, bara faller till marken och vissnar. <br>Och när alla mina drömmar, tycks stå i lågor eller mörker. <br>ber du mig stanna... <br>För att torka mina tårar, och allt mitt spillda blod från alla väggar, <br>när alla mina mardrömmar tycks bli sanna, och mitt blod i mina ådrer börjar stanna. <br>Ber du mig stanna... <br>För min kärlek jag en gång kände för dig, den kärleken som ännu brinner djupt inom mig. <br>Men tystnaden kom före jag han berätta, tystnaden kom och la band för mina läppar. <br>Så som natten gör mot dagen, har nu mitt ljus tyssnat mot mörkrets kall väggar. <br>Likt rosenblad i natten, har nu mina läppar vissnat och frusit till. <br>Men med en knopps förgyllna hopp, <br>om att en gång få se solen igen... <br>

Freak left out, i better not let him out. <br>Cage grows bigger yet it’s getting harder to breath. <br>I feel trapped inside of my head. <br>I hear distant voices whispering. <br>Trying to drag what little happiness i have left. <br>Down through the memories of the past. <br>And i see the nightmares begin to shape. <br>Too this...thing, made up of just pure misery and hate. <br>I try to run but my legs is failing me. <br>Panicking i try to crawl, but he has already grabbed on to my feet’s. <br>Crying out for help i begin to shout, desperately crying for help. <br>But there is no one there to hear my screams. <br>He grabs me by the neck, and turn my face facing he’s. <br>And he looks deeply into my Eyes. <br>And so i Wake up. <br>Sweaty and out of breath i walk up to my open Window <br>And as i regain my calm i hear myself thinking <br>"It was just a nightmare. It was just a Dream". <br>But what I’m really saying to myself is; <br>"Oh no it’s one of those Days again"… <br>

Staring through my open window, as rain keeps bashing down. <br>My hair still dripping, from my naked run. <br>My hands shacking, hearts beating. <br>Cold and freezing, yet I can’t stop smiling. <br>Cloudy skies above, as stars starts showing. <br>Blinding bright lights, in this rainy night. <br>Winds are shifting, Clouds disappearing. <br>Breathe taking sky, with a warm welcoming shine, <br>As the sun says goodnight. <br>As the last daylight dies, thoughts begin to rise. <br>Wondering what might have been, nights starts settling in. <br>Winds fondles my chin, gently calling my name. <br>Seeing out across the night, houses cuddly lights. <br>People cheering, music’s playing. <br>Calling out, I’m going out. <br>Dancing through the grass, my feet’s becomes wet. <br>To the rhythms of feelings I can’t express. <br>Dancing through the night, as the dawn begins to rise. <br>And I know that in this moment, in this truthfully, innocent moment. <br>When we all embrace ourselves, the one moment of our existence. <br>That one true moment of our life’s, when we are able to see, who we truly are. <br>Is when life will show, the most obvious truths of all. <br>And you will see, what’s been there all along. <br>That life is a lie, and we should have ended it long ago. <br>And as I look out, through my top floor window, I see life for what it truly is. <br>A feeling, Words cannot describe. <br>So i won’t even try, until you see it for yourself. <br>Life... in its pride and glory is not worth living anymore for someone like me. <br>For me it’s all just dust in the wind, and prayers until the end. <br>That fast can your life be shifting… just like the dusts are we all not noticed. <br>And for what it’s worth, is love all we crave for. <br>Someone to spend our loneliness with, someone to tell us that were not lonely in this world. <br>Someone to tell what happened today, someone to hug us as we are having a bad day. <br>Someone to kiss at day and someone to cuddle at night. <br>Just... someone... <br> <br> <br>

I wish upon the stars that you would see me. <br>Not to miss understand me, or not to believe. <br>Because I have never felt like this before. <br>Just to look upon a picture and wish you close by, is everlasting and yet so far behind. <br>How can I show what I truly feel, and not be felt as a psycho and be pushed away. <br>All I want is to finally meet you one day. <br>And hold you close by, and hold you close by me. <br>As I tell you my sweet lovely bride, that this I feel for you is real. <br>As I hold you close, and drag my fingers through your hair. <br>To tell you, that your smile and eyes are enough. <br>That smile that makes me wonder, those eyes that make me crumble. <br>If i could I would spend a lifetime standing still like that, just as long enough for me to love you even more. <br>True love last for eternity. <br>If I just could dare to tell you one day…

As nights falls, and darkness cover’s all. <br>The most horrible feeling comes of all. <br>The feeling to be left out, the feeling of being alone. <br>Tears drops I hundreds, all unheard, all unseen. <br>And so the pain sets in, as it slowly crawls up my chin. <br>And we give up on the most simplest thing as existing. <br>And all i want is to be left alone, but i keep acting out so that my cry won’t be in vain. <br>They call me out, blaming i am the problem. <br>And so it wouldn’t be. If just someone would listens to me. <br>I lay I my bed crying myself to sleep, I hear them down stairs talking about what to do with me. <br>And I didn’t want it to be like this. <br>Will my nightmare of life never end? <br>I stand by the window, and I try to look up, I try to see, anything that will stop me from what I now intend. <br>But all I see is the long fall right beneath me, and all the horrible things standing right behind me. <br> As my vain drains empty, I feel my breath fade into the wind. <br>And as my mind slowly falls into darkness, a feeling of relief passes my lips. <br>And I didn’t want it to be like this, but now have my nightmare of life… <br>Finally come to an end. <br> <br> <br> <br> <br>