Kille, 31 år. Bor i Norrtälje, Stockholms län. Är offline
Thornum har inte lagt till några event än.
Två för magen.
två för huvet.
ett för sorglöshet.
ett för fridfullhet.
Ett för dem ärr jag har.
två för det hjärta jag råkar inneha.
ett för mina drömmar.
två för mina tankar om själv för spilan.
tre för mina värden.
men finns inget piller i världen.
som fungerar emot tystnaden.
ensamheten.
eller otillräckligheten.
Långsamt.
Plågsamt.
Ensamt.
i avskildhet.
Förruttnar.
Och försjunker jag.
Ut i tomheten.
Som damm i vinden.
Försvinner jag.
Shudderd fists...
I can barely hold my arms straight.
Rageing sadness from within.
Bottles staggering tall.
I can't clear my head out.
i wish i had the courage to die.
Telling friends and family that im fine.
I scrape my Nails into my thighs.
i pray to god that i could die.
Every wall i create, every maze that i make.
I decimate and diminish with my own self hate.
In my mind i hear my demons play.
Speaking through voices.
Saying that i'm weak.
It's sweet Lovely torture with emotional pain.
Please someone awake me from this hell.
Scratching my face bloody and red.
Laughing while i watch the darkness devours my soul.
Tears flushing dowm my Eyes as the voices whispers...
To night... is the night you die.
By the time i was there it was already too late.
The water had gone cold and so had your veins.
Why was all I could think, why would you do this to me?
Selfish of course I know, but thats what my mind kept telling my heart.
And slowly I fell to my knees on the floor.
The man of my dreams, the most handsome person Id ever seen.
Tears fall from my chins, as I pull you up, and pull you closer to me.
Harrowingly I pull my fingers through your hair.
Hair that used to be smooth and filled with life, now its soaked and full of blood.
What can I do? What can I do? I hear myself repeat.
God please tell me what to do? I look upon hes face, its all grey and pale.
Closed eyes and darkened lips, I can also see you have taken all the pills.
The question why echoes through my head.
A question that I fear will forever haunt me.
Shouting on top of my Lungs, even though I know theres no one there to hear.
Please someone help! Please someone help me!
Seeking comfort i some way, i pull you closer to me.
Aguishly crying i slowly place my hand on hes chest.
But there is nothing left for me to feel, no life, no light.
No more smiles, no more tears of joy.
No more sweet late hours, no more loveable moments at day.
Please I hear, Please come back to me I hear myself say.
You know I cant stand a life without you here, right next to me.
I need you, I need you here more than ever.
Please come back for me, please
The question still echoes I my head, this cant be it.
And in all the emotions of guilt, aguish and despare.
I just leaned in, and kissed him
And thats when I felt it, hes heart started pumping again
I can't see what you are to blame, Im too empty to pretend.
I wished you to live, and so you did.
But i did never comprehend that the end was closing in.
Im to empty for the shadows and fade, i just wished that i could be alive again.
But to wish is to pretend, that none of this would ever have happened.
To pretend is wishing that it all could end, but i would never pretend that you and i should end.
Im so empty that i could nearly pretend, pretend that it all just would end.
But to pretend is like wishing that it all just could end, and i would never wish that you and i would end.
Im empty and Im crying for it, Im bleeding and Im crawling for it.
Im burning and i get hanged for it.
i wishs that i could do something about it, but to wish is to pretend that i could be ok again.
I can't see this all through, i wished i did, but i can't, because of the pain you once did.
I once wished that you once was true, but now i can't,
Because none would care about you.
Im empty and Im crying for it, Im empty and Im bleeding for it,
Im empty for all that i once cared and Im empty because there is no one there,
Im empty because that no one cared about it and now...
i'm dying for it.
Snälla du berätta nu.
säg mig nu vad jag ska göra.
Om jag bara borde gömma, eller bara försöka glömma.
Mina känslor för dig, som ännu brinner djupt inom mig.
Min känsla utav din lena hud mot min.
Mina tankar om att någonsin få röra vid, känna vid dina läppar igen.
Jag ville så gärna att det allt skulle bli sant att det till slut blev försent.
Och nu kan jag bara sitta ner på mina knän och önska, önska att kunna dra tillbaka tiden, och göra om den som jag vill.
Och snälla du.
Säg hur jag ska känna.
När allt jag tycks röra, bara faller till marken och vissnar.
Och när alla mina drömmar, tycks stå i lågor eller mörker.
ber du mig stanna...
För att torka mina tårar, och allt mitt spillda blod från alla väggar,
när alla mina mardrömmar tycks bli sanna, och mitt blod i mina ådrer börjar stanna.
Ber du mig stanna...
För min kärlek jag en gång kände för dig, den kärleken som ännu brinner djupt inom mig.
Men tystnaden kom före jag han berätta, tystnaden kom och la band för mina läppar.
Så som natten gör mot dagen, har nu mitt ljus tyssnat mot mörkrets kall väggar.
Likt rosenblad i natten, har nu mina läppar vissnat och frusit till.
Men med en knopps förgyllna hopp,
om att en gång få se solen igen...
Freak left out, i better not let him out.
Cage grows bigger yet its getting harder to breath.
I feel trapped inside of my head.
I hear distant voices whispering.
Trying to drag what little happiness i have left.
Down through the memories of the past.
And i see the nightmares begin to shape.
Too this...thing, made up of just pure misery and hate.
I try to run but my legs is failing me.
Panicking i try to crawl, but he has already grabbed on to my feets.
Crying out for help i begin to shout, desperately crying for help.
But there is no one there to hear my screams.
He grabs me by the neck, and turn my face facing hes.
And he looks deeply into my Eyes.
And so i Wake up.
Sweaty and out of breath i walk up to my open Window
And as i regain my calm i hear myself thinking
"It was just a nightmare. It was just a Dream".
But what Im really saying to myself is;
"Oh no its one of those Days again"
Staring through my open window, as rain keeps bashing down.
My hair still dripping, from my naked run.
My hands shacking, hearts beating.
Cold and freezing, yet I cant stop smiling.
Cloudy skies above, as stars starts showing.
Blinding bright lights, in this rainy night.
Winds are shifting, Clouds disappearing.
Breathe taking sky, with a warm welcoming shine,
As the sun says goodnight.
As the last daylight dies, thoughts begin to rise.
Wondering what might have been, nights starts settling in.
Winds fondles my chin, gently calling my name.
Seeing out across the night, houses cuddly lights.
People cheering, musics playing.
Calling out, Im going out.
Dancing through the grass, my feets becomes wet.
To the rhythms of feelings I cant express.
Dancing through the night, as the dawn begins to rise.
And I know that in this moment, in this truthfully, innocent moment.
When we all embrace ourselves, the one moment of our existence.
That one true moment of our lifes, when we are able to see, who we truly are.
Is when life will show, the most obvious truths of all.
And you will see, whats been there all along.
That life is a lie, and we should have ended it long ago.
And as I look out, through my top floor window, I see life for what it truly is.
A feeling, Words cannot describe.
So i wont even try, until you see it for yourself.
Life... in its pride and glory is not worth living anymore for someone like me.
For me its all just dust in the wind, and prayers until the end.
That fast can your life be shifting
just like the dusts are we all not noticed.
And for what its worth, is love all we crave for.
Someone to spend our loneliness with, someone to tell us that were not lonely in this world.
Someone to tell what happened today, someone to hug us as we are having a bad day.
Someone to kiss at day and someone to cuddle at night.
Just... someone...
I wish upon the stars that you would see me.
Not to miss understand me, or not to believe.
Because I have never felt like this before.
Just to look upon a picture and wish you close by, is everlasting and yet so far behind.
How can I show what I truly feel, and not be felt as a psycho and be pushed away.
All I want is to finally meet you one day.
And hold you close by, and hold you close by me.
As I tell you my sweet lovely bride, that this I feel for you is real.
As I hold you close, and drag my fingers through your hair.
To tell you, that your smile and eyes are enough.
That smile that makes me wonder, those eyes that make me crumble.
If i could I would spend a lifetime standing still like that, just as long enough for me to love you even more.
True love last for eternity.
If I just could dare to tell you one day
As nights falls, and darkness covers all.
The most horrible feeling comes of all.
The feeling to be left out, the feeling of being alone.
Tears drops I hundreds, all unheard, all unseen.
And so the pain sets in, as it slowly crawls up my chin.
And we give up on the most simplest thing as existing.
And all i want is to be left alone, but i keep acting out so that my cry wont be in vain.
They call me out, blaming i am the problem.
And so it wouldnt be. If just someone would listens to me.
I lay I my bed crying myself to sleep, I hear them down stairs talking about what to do with me.
And I didnt want it to be like this.
Will my nightmare of life never end?
I stand by the window, and I try to look up, I try to see, anything that will stop me from what I now intend.
But all I see is the long fall right beneath me, and all the horrible things standing right behind me.
As my vain drains empty, I feel my breath fade into the wind.
And as my mind slowly falls into darkness, a feeling of relief passes my lips.
And I didnt want it to be like this, but now have my nightmare of life
Finally come to an end.