Angel_Of_Death

GÅ NER I VIKT MED HJÄLP AV SEX?

TA AV KLÄDER
Villig..........................12 Kalorier
Ovillig........................187 Kalorier

KNÄPPA UPP BH:N
Med båda händerna.....7 Kalorier
Med en hand...............12 Kalorier
Med tänderna..............85 Kalorier

TRÄ PÅ EN KONDOM
Med erektion...............6 Kalorier
Utan erektion..............315 Kalorier

ÖVNING
Försöka hitta klitoris.....8 Kalorier
Försöka hitta G-punkten......92 Kalorier

STÄLLNINGAR
Missionären..................12 Kalorier
69:an, liggande............78 Kalorier
69:an, stående.............112 Kalorier
Skottkärran...................216 Kalorier
Bakifrån (doggy style)....326 Kalorier
I ljuskronan..................912 Kalorier

ORGASM
Riktig...........................112 Kalorier
Fejkad..........................315 Kalorier

EFTER ORGASM
Ligga och kramas...........18 Kalorier
Gå upp direkt.................36 Kalorier
Förklara varför du går upp direkt................. 816 Kalorier

ATT FÅ EN ANDRA EREKTION
Om du är:
20-29 år.........................36 Kalorier
30-39 år.........................80 Kalorier
40-49 år.........................124 Kalorier
50-59 år.........................972 Kalorier
60-69 år..........................2916 Kalorier
70 och uppåt.....................Döden

KLÄ PÅ SIG EFTERÅT
Lugnt...............................32 Kalorier
Snabbt.............................98 Kalorier
Med din pappa knackandes på dörren......1218 Kalorier
Med hennes pojkvän knackandes på dörren.....3521 Kalorier



Att Alltid Vara En Liten Smula Barn Är Att Vara Vuxen. Dom Som Säger Att Dom Är Vuxna Vet Inte Ett Skit!



Scenario:
The princess is stuck in a big castle guarded by a dragon!

POWER METAL:
The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon,
saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.

THRASH METAL:
The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and fucks
her.

HEAVY METAL:
The protagonist arrives on a harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few
beers and fucks the princess.

FOLK METAL:
The protagonist arrives with some friends playing acordions, violins,
flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (because
of all the dancing). Then all leave....without the princess.

VIKING METAL:
The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty
axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death,
steals her belongings and burns the castle before leaving.

DEATH METAL:
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess and kills
her, then leaves.

BLACK METAL:
The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in
front of the castle. Then he sodomizes the princess, drinks her blood
in a ritual before killing her. Then he impales the princess next to the
dragon.

GORE METAL:
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front
of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her. Then he fucks the dead
body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts. Then he fucks the
carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and fucks it for the last
time.

DOOM METAL:
The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he
could never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide.
The dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert. That’s the
end of a sad story.

PROGRESSIVE METAL:
The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes.
The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives to the
princess’ bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes
he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess escapes
looking for the ”HEAVY METAL” protagonist.

GLAM METAL:
The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy’s appearance and
lets him enter. He steals the princess’ make-up and tries to paint the
castle in a beautiful pink color.

NU METAL:
The protagonist arrives in a run-down Honda Civic and attempts to fight
the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes catch
fire.



HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term.

The answer by one student was so ’profound’ that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :


Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell,then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, ’It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,’ and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting ’Oh my God.’


THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.