all you need is a hammer

hey there.

so it's 10am, woke up about less than half an hour ago. checked the email, a little less nervous than normal, and saw nothing.
and i'm not really worried about it. my dreams were filled with suggestions that I should email and say something. but i asked a question and I think it's important to leave time for her to answer it. I waited 5 days to reply once, and it's only been 5 days, so it's fair. so far.
is the (sorry, just smsed my little sister) .. checking of the email that bad? it's only bad if I feel bad after seeing there's nothing. but I don't, so until that happens, i'll probably check it everyday from now on. I'll check it tomorrow morning because it's been the weekend, and maybe that was all that was needed.

anyway. it's pretty clear that this blog is filled with incomprehensible rubbish.
BUT .. it ..
ok there's no denying it. but no one I know reads it, so I can pretty much write whatever.

so what now? i feel a little nervous all of a sudden, it's probably the bells coming from the church. they're so loud and for some reason they symbolise death. to me.
wedding bells suggest death to me too. i walked by a bride and her little bridesmaids and i didn't look. i wonder if anyone noticed i didn't look.
do brides think people should look? no idea.
don't think i'll ever do a wedding like that. (if at all) of course I still think it'd be fun to go to my sisters' weddings. maybe i can convince them to have small weddings without our parents in a forest somewhere.
of course, then they're marrying a guy. and guys here.. are tough, domineering and generally stupid. so should i hope they meet a girl? probably. but then they're my sisters and.. maybe it'd be hard to imagine.

my back hurts. bad. these mattresses need to be updated. we're sleeping on the thing that is supposed to go on the mattress. you're not meant to sleep on these by themselves!


the room is so, so messy. i could start cleaning, but i need some music for that. spend until 11 doing it, and chill for the rest of the day. that sounds fair.... kinda. nervous when i look up and see one of the novels i'd have to read for english. can't stand the other novel i read, entirely about sexualising women and it's just.. disgusting really.

still haven't got a hair cut. it's so long. now when it's in a pony tail, the short layers from the back fall forward. i'm so happy the front layers fit into the pony tail now. it's really good that I waited for it to be cut. it's just so thick now and I keep seeing photos of shorter hair. and .. i might start getting separation problems if i get too used to it!

I'll just have to make an appointment this week sometime. as long as I spend a little longer making my hair straight and sharp, it might be ok. it pretty much needs to be washed everyday because it gets so greasy..
FUCK i just remembered we need to buy foundation today. only because i get those red marks on my face. (i'm not that superficial.. i hope) (who am i kidding, i probably am, i have to work on it..it seems if i just put it on, i stop thinking about how the face looks all together) ..

no real interesting blog updates from anyone else. starting looking at an old blog i used to look at. it makes me feel better somehow. i have no idea how. so until it starts making me feel worse again, i'll keep checking.

it seems like right now i'm just waiting for things that usually make me feel bad, to do just that. but they're not. i'll try not to push it.

ok. time to do this cleaning shit.

i can see blue skies so from where i'm sitting. it's going to be a fucking awesome day.

<3