ensam. (blogging in english)

i feel like i have no friends.
not one.
not even my sisters will answer me.. they're not ignoring me, they're just too busy to check their chat window, reply to wall comments and just be, i don't know, decent people?

but then it's my fault. i didn't sms them. even though I had no money to message them with.

it's always up to me to make the effort, up to me to message people. pretty much. at least with my sisters.
everyone else.. i don't really like that much. that, or I can't relate to them anymore. two of my friends are overseas. one of them arrived just under a week ago, and the other has been there for almost 3 months and barely writes to me at all.

it doesn't upset me, really. it just reminds me that I don't even like these people that much.. but i'm waiting for them to reply.
check my inbox, no reply. not really bothered. but .. i just don't get how hard it is to send back one tiny thing.
they're on facebook all the time. why can't they check their email?

i refuse to add them to facebook. i don't want facebook taking my information and my photos and shit, and putting ads all up in my fucking face. i want real life.
but everyone else is obsessed with facebook. its a fucking plague. and if i don't go along with it, then i get what i deserve right? silence.

fuck this. i wish i could just stop checking my email, but i've got fucking shit on ebay.
and i'm such a fool. to think that someone might need me and email me. and somehow if i don't check my email .. i'll miss it.

i just feel lonely. friends that aren't really my close friends.. when they treat me like shit.. i start to remember that they're not really my friends.
and that sucks.

everything feels dull and boring and i feel like i have a long time to spend doing useless things.

i don't want to end up being one of those psycho people that spend so much time without a group of friends that they .. end up going nuts on everyone.

maybe i'll .. try to find something to eat.

i feel like shit. i wish i could go to bed at a normal hour. instead of .. i don't know, 4am?

i might write later. for now i need to figure out a distraction.