what.. now

.. i wanted to write something but i can't remember it now..
apart from sisters bailing on me and .. everything. my head really hurts. really really hurts. i don't really want to finish watching downton abbey.. i have about 20 minutes left.

.. my neck hurts and .. everything is weird right now. everything. want to go somewhere tomorrow.
no idea where. check the transport website.
there's no where to go.

what's the point, what's the strength tomorrow? where will it come from? when you're thinking about what tomorrow will be..
what will it be.

it's a sad moment. i could read. i guess. that's a sad day. maybe i'll sit by the harbour in the afternoon. maybe i'll go to the park.
maybe it won't be painful. i don't understand why.. daily life feels so dull and pointless. i don't want it to stop though. because i have hope for something else.
but now i'm thinking about that hope. what is that hope? do i have reason for having it? didn't i hope things would be better a little while ago? and now they're not?
what is this process of things being better?

i don't know. but i feel such pain in my head..

i don't know how to move or how to.. do anything in an interesting way, in a different way, in an active way.

pray to someone to give you that push, .. depression takes it hold right after 22.
that's when it gets you.

so you've got to wake up at 8am, and go to bed before 22.
got to tire yourself out. you've got to run. you've got to do. try to do things. otherwise i don't know what will be left for us.
it's frightening.

i'll turn off this song.

.. nothing is cheap enough. nothing is nice enough.
nothing is going to make the pain in my head go away.