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2 november 2011 kl. 04:36

im at home alone today. woke up after only 3 hours sleep so my friend could go to his job training. then i couldn't fall back to sleep.
went on ''chat'' of course, said hi to a certain person i really shouldn't have.. who then took a while to reply, sent me a link.. and so then i watched it.. the most offensive thing i have seen this year, i think. making light of abuse against women.
but that's what that show is about. making light of pedophiles and rape and other things that happen to people. a complete anti-joke.. and yet it's one of the most popular shows out at the moment. you can probably guess what show this is.
i ended up saying.. "if you think beaten women are funny then i don't want to talk to you anymore" .. then after 20 minutes of no reply i just said ''why don't you reply?" .. then i logged off.
they're clearly a disturbed person. they don't think anyone else's opinion matters. just living in their own world, talking about themselves, nothing else. takes photos just so they can get attention. so they don't disappear into their own background of madness. or not. maybe that's just a perfect de&s;cription of someone else. who am i to say anything, anyway?
all i can say is this person is not a nice person. i don't know why i found it so hard to accept who they really were. i guess my previous idea of them was nicer.. a lie seemed better than a truth about how utterly ugly they were on the inside.

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so now what? well there's a few things. i edited text underneath a photo that might indicate to them that they're the person i was referring to when i said i was giving up on trying.
.. and i'll stop checking fb, that site is useless anyway. i'll just comment on whatever new photos are uploaded on DV and stick to that. as for the other person, i'll just leave it. ill remember that terrible show every time i think of the idiot.
as for deleting and all of that stuff, ill deal with that at a more appropriate time.

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i have this thing due on friday. haven't really started. i want to make some notes and finish reading a text about it.. tomorrow will really be the last day i'll have to write it, so i want to get a headstart today. i wasted all of yesterday.. i was so stressed though. i guess i can accept that i wasted yesterday..
just have to make up for it today!
so i'm thinking ill borrow my friends tshirt, put on some black jeans and head off. i haven't had lunch.. so i don't know what ill do about that. ... .. . .
i could just .. maybe everything is closed. i think this is a week off for everyone else. why don't they just sell lunch! why don't they have a cafeteria or something. there's seriously no lunch to buy at school..

i think there are some bread rolls left. i hate eating cereal.. my cereal turns into glue after you leave it for even a few minutes .. sticks to the bowl and its too hard to clean.
seriously i'm at a loss here.

ill get dressed, try to figure out what to do about lunch, and if i can't then at least ill be dressed and can just leave.. ill take the laptop and a pad of paper. that should be enough. try to sit somewhere and just read, make notes. keep it chilled.

my fucking phone is so annoying. i guess it's ok but.. the touch shit doesn't work very well and it's generally just very annoying.. someone called at around 11 but they didn't have their number on display. i dont talk when the other person doesn't say anything. mostly because im scared it could be my parents or my work..
two things that i'm scared of right there.

so the weather seems pretty nice. i do want to move out of this house, that is for sure. just have to figure out how.
and where to move to that's better. have a lot of furniture and stuff.. really have too much stuff to throw out.. and i don't really want to throw stuff out anyway. i own a normal amount of stuff i think.. maybe. the room is smaller than a bathroom..

listening to weird french music. better than real music at the moment. real words give me real feelings and this is just.. not making sense to me. so i can ignore the meaning of it. best for now.

wish i didn't feel like i had so much to sort out. this can happen around exam time. i feel like there are a million other things i should be doing. or fixing.. or people i should start talking to again.. or .. anything will do, actually.
running out of distractions. but in a week this will all be over. and yet, i don't really want it to be over. because then what will i do. ill have nothing to avoid doing! haha
it's really quite stupid when you think about it.

the temperature is really weird today. its supposed to be about 15 degrees. actually they changed it to 23. the news is terrible to read. they don't even try to hide the spin they put on things.
and the opinion sections are the worst. there's a difference between inspiring people and making people annoyed because you can.. over nothing.

friend isn't replying. lunch break must have ended. wish i knew what was happening with my little sister. hope that her exam is going ok. she might have history on today.
i really should be going soon .. i just feel like writing everything i can.. just so it doesn't sit in my head for too long.
i don't know what ill listen to on the way to school. my fucking ipod is dead and i don't want to have to make a stupid appointment with the ''apple genius bar''. they think everything is so fucking important down there. all i want is a darn ipod fixed. ok?
i don't need to be sold new things or whatever. i just want it fixed. i don't want to have to stand there with a huge big fake smile on just to make the employee feel better. because then i'm at work.
everyone is at work just trying to make every transaction less than hell.

fuck. why did they have to put all the exams at the same time. there's no time!!!!!! i need time to make mistakes and to waste days. i need more time!
.. i can't do anything other than just read and do what i have to. but i don't want to. really.

i wish i had a little more confidence. maybe if i change from this french music ill feel a little better. no idea. have to be here when my friend gets home but at least they can text me and i can open it for them if no one else is home.

everything is hell these days with that. he just feels bad and it won't stop. maybe today made him feel a little better. things have to get better! even if in a superficial way.. pretty selfish of me but i'm worried about what would happen if he left.

the neighbours don't feed their cat. i don't think they do, at least. .. it is meowing today again.. loudly and it doesn't sound like normal cat meowing. i wish they had ''animal police''.. normal police wouldn't care. people don't really care about the welfare of house pets, i don't think. the neighbours hurt their children so i don't doubt that their cat is a step down..

ok first step. turn on light. done.
second step. run and get bowl, cereal and milk. done.
third step. eat cereal. done. (couldn't find a spoon, had to eat it with a fork) haha
step four. make chocolate drink.

.. had some soy sausages.. and chips.

eaten, and ready to get dressed.


LETS DO THIS THANG!

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