damndamndamndamn

23 juni 2011 kl. 04:17

so .. no email. from my sisters. no email, from anyone in fact. i just kind of check a few things. auction, my 3 emails, bank, 2 bloggs, dayviews and after ten or so minutes realise that i'm pretty much done with the internet.
i used to have tumblr, facebook, a blog and a twitter, even a youtube for a short time. but now i have none of them. and yeah im happy i don't. because i don't start feeling like shit every time i go on the internet.
but i can still feel bad .. i can look at blogs and other shit i could buy.. and i do that instead of going on facebook now.
except.. i don't really have any money to spend on clothes and shit. and to be honest i don't even really care that much about fashion or clothes or whatever.
so these holidays i just don't know what the fuck ill do, seeing as i'm in cold sydney instead of being in summery sweden.
there's no nice places to go. except maybe an overcrowded beach with abnoxious chavs and tourists. and there i just get sunburnt as shit - seeing as the hole in the ozone layer is right above australia.

i'm pretty much accepting that i've gotta stay in this hell hole (you may have been here and liked it, or think it's okay, but trust me, it's hell). but when i have 3 weeks vacation i have trouble finding things to do that don't involve sitting around on the internet.

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list of things i could do. (other than sit on the internet)
- som jag sagt.. go to the beach. / manly beach
- try to bake something
- find a national park to go to (the closest thing we have to a real forest)
- read (COME ON, that sucks)
- clean my room to the point that it will never get messy again
- change my haircut

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do you see how all of these things are just superficial and stupid?
if i were in sweden i'd do a whole bunch of things. and even if i couldn't think of a long list, i'd come up with at least one thing that beat anything i could do here.

and sometimes my little sister sends me a text message saying "call me" even though she knows that i have no money to call her with, and that i don't fucking have a 'landline' to call her from.
mobile to mobile costs a hell of a lot of money.

and work? my job is the LAST thing i'd like to do these hoildays.

i feel like i have to do something. if i don't do something these winter holidays i'll probably have trouble concentrating next semester. i'll be dreaming about better things instead of studying.

i'm going to study my swedish this vacation. that's for sure. in 3 weeks i know i could learn a lot.
.. shit shit shit shit shit piss shit.

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i was wondering if i should change my email. i've had it since fucking 2006. but now there's a chance she could reply/ write to me again. and i'd rather just cut the tie off sharp.
no point in waiting around for someone to realise they're wrong. I might be waiting forever.

and have you noticed that most things involve fucking money? fuck it. i should have enough money to go on picnics and shit.
okay .. so i can maybe maybe get french pastries. go to that french cafe. find some interesting books? (books, damn how uninteresting does that sound.)
OH and i forgot alcohol. my dear friend alcohol. get drunk. go to the beach with my best friend.
buy a beach ball. where!! does one find a beach ball.
gonna have to look that up.

i might as well enjoy the beach in winter .. summer it will be virtually unusable.

i'd really really like to get a nikon camera. i think that, and then i wonder.. HELLO.. why buy one. there isn't anything decent to take photos of!!
I guess that wouldn't be the point. having a camera would be awesome.
and i'm hoping to go back to sweden in january/february.. i could definately use it there.
just sucks that photos can bring back feelings of nostalgia. you had already left by the time the bus pulled away from the terminal

.. totally stupid. ok ok lets keep thinking of what i could do this wintervacation.
.. . . . . . i could........ . sell all my unwanted crap on ebay?
(i always feel evil doing that thought. i mean.. they were gifts from my parents) .. except my parents are sick people. so i guess i could try to justify it that way.. either way it still feels evil to do.

if my friends weren't such assholes, trust me, i'd be hanging out with people as much as i could. once you leave highschool your friends might just change and turn into idiots.
i guess i knew it might happen.

i miss my cat. i hate living in a house with people that cook terrible smelling food.

my neighbours are from a country where its customary to stand in the front yard and yell..

damn. i guess i might just play the sims 3 for a while . . i feel like my computer might explode though.

if you know what a 20 year old could do while living in sydney.. feel free to let me know.


Ta mig till den där festen i stan där människor är som du och jag..

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