Ruders blogg

I can't believe this... I don't want to believe... I just hope that yesterday was a fuckin bad dream, but I know it wasn't... She broke up with me... I don't feel anything... I'm so empty... I don't even know why should I keep going on! I just want to go back to sleep and never wake up again... This all just feel's too bad... I can't stand this... I don't know what to do or where to go from here... I don't want to do anything... Just get away from here... This pain... Too much for me...

Jag är trött... Jag sov 5 timmar förra natten och det är för litet... Jag går sova tidig i kväll.

Jag hade roligt dag men jag gled när jag gick på busshållplats. Det var inte roligt... Min knä är öm. ;_;

Det är sist vecka i jobbet och jag vill inte gå på skolan. ;_; Jag vill jobba mer! xD Men jag kan göra ingenting för det...

I can't stand this anymore! Jag tänker igen skulle jag slut med min flickvän... Allt detta är för hårt igen... Jag älskar hon men jag känner mig som hon inte älskar mig... Jag hatar det! Jag var glad igår när vi pratade om att resa till Tyskland i maj. Vi vill gå att se våra favoritband, D, men jag är inte så säker vill jag gå... Jag vill se D på live! Men jag vet inte vill jag gå med min flickvän...

Jag kommer vara vid min flickväns plats hela veckoslut. Jag hoppas at vi har rolig. ^^ Idag jag har bara spelat i Facebook och lyssnat Avenged Sevenfold.

I started to read my and Jonathan's msn conversations and all what I can say, is that I really miss him too much already. I just don't know how can I go on in my life without him. Okay, I know that I just have to because I think that Jonathan want's us to go on even, if he isn't here with us. I just hope that I could get him back even, if I know that it's impossible. ;_;

Maybe I should try to forget him and go on but I know that I can't ever forget him. I just don't even want to forget him and all those things, which he has done to me and that how much he has helped me. He was there, when I needed someone, who I could tell what I feel. Yeah, we got to know each other on last August but still he was one of my best friends. I told him things that I didn't tell my friends who I have known years. I don't know... There was just something in him that made me talk about everything, but I didn't feel bad. It was so easy to go talk to him and tell everything, what I wanted to tell. Once... I had very bad feeling and I didn't say anything about that to anyone but then when he came to msn, I told him everything. Yeah... Maybe I should really try to talk about things to my girlfriend again but it will take time... It would be good thing, if I had someone, with who I can talk about everything... *sigh* I can't stand this...

I don't know what to do or think about this all... I just hope that all this would be some fucking bad nightmare, but I know that this is not...

Maybe I just go to sleep soon... I have to wake up at 6.30 tomorrow... Have to go to work even if I don't want to go...

God natt

I don't want to write in Swedish now but maybe tomorrow... Yeah... I had a nice day at work and after that I saw one friend of mine. It was nice to talk with her. ^^ We talked a lot about different things and we really had good time with each other. We see each other too rarely.

But yeah... When I was siting in bus on my way to home... I started to think my friend, Jonathan, and all that, what he has done to me. I don't know how is everything going on after this... I just hope that everything will go on a better way... I just miss Jonathan already too much and I just hope that he would be here with us still... He didn't deserve to die... He deserve to live... I just cry and don't want to believe all this...

I just hate this all! I need him really as a friend and my girlfriend need's him too. He was really important to both of us. Importanter to my girlfriend.

I don't know what to do... I just don't want that tomorrow is a day off... I want to go to work because then I don't think Jonathan so much... Okay, I will always think and remember him but still... I just hate this all...

Rest in Peace Jonathan<3

Hej.

Jag var i arbetsplatsen idag. Jag hade rolig med min vän. ^^ Jag studerar i Helsinki Business College, men jag har inlärning i jobbet. Nästa vecka är final veckan i jobbet och 14. dag jag resar till Sverige med min mor, pappa och lillebror. ^^ Vi är bara en dag i Sverige men det är roligt i alla fall. ^^ Jag älskar att resa. ^^

Idag min flickvän berättade för mig att vår vän dog. It was very close that I didn't start to cry at work. I just don't want to believe that he is away and I can't see him. I had known him only about 4 months, but still I could trust him more than in many other friends of mine. He was very nice and everything. This can't be true... I just hope that this all was a nightmare and soon I will wake up and notice that everything is all right. I didn't even have a chance to see him or talk with him. Okay, we talked a lot in msn and in facebook, but that's all. I miss him already and I just want him back.

*sigh* I hoped that this year would be better than last year but now I'm not sure is this or is it not. Never can know... I just hope that this is the last bad news, what we (me and my girlfriend) get...

Hej! Jag är 17 år gammal tjej från Finland. Min svenska är inte så bra.

Okay. I think that now I'll write in English, but I will try to write even something in Swedish. ^^

I woke up some hours ago and my girlfriend is still sleeping or resting. I'm not sure is she wake up or not. So, I'm just siting here in front of my computer and writing this. xD

But yeah. Maybe I'll go to eat something now and try to get something to do. And, if someone read's my blog and want's to leave a comment, you can leave a comment in Swedish, if you want. It's okay to me because I can answer in Swedish, but it's maybe little bit too hard to write long entry in Swedish. xD But I will try my best. ^^

Bye~