Nostalgia

Well I am soon to turn 34...4 days to go.. and I just come to think about that I am kinda glad I am a genY or millennial or echo boomer whatever you wanna call it. Cuz essentially I grew up to be able to think for myself and analyze. We texted in goddamn codes! Like for real though, it had a certain charm to text via sms until you felt like your fingers would fall off. That shit with the buttons hurt! And we didn't have chats?! Like you had to delete and pay for every message.. damn. I might be "old" but I learned not to take everything/anything for granted. An you had something that didn't work? Well you essentialy taught yourself by try to fix it. No matter what that was. There was no AI and stuff to help out. Like todays gen? I can't really imagine how it is for them. They kinda just always had netflix and endless chats and forums? Well I had to like go to a videostore to rent a casette! Lol. We might forget these stuff but that was my childhood and youth. The old slow internet and yeah..it's not that I miss it. It's just good to remember that we are a gen that have gone through a lot. And adapt to oldschool and the tech equally. Ppl can call us old but we are propbly gonna be the gen that just never gonna grow up really.

I have been alternative since I turned 12? It is a "phase" I still haven't grown out of. And by now it's just who I am. It is such a huge part of my identity and personality that I just can't imagine trying to fit in into mainstream society.

It is like I am still a rebellious teenager inside. But people are so boring that I feel frustrated and as if I am dying inside. That's just how slow this world is in a sense. For me. Slow minded basic people. But for me it is way too slow. But in other ways other things like adulting gets too much and just to fast. I am 34 soon and I am still not ready to have a job and stuff. That is what I am aiming towards to get ready for that aswell. But my work? It is with other parts of my life. And with myself. So people think I am lazy and slack off bc I am not working but that is so far from true. I just don't have an ordinary life in any way. I am lucky in many ways but ordinary? Normal? Basic? No.

I am on my weight loss and mental health journey. And to face and deal with and process all of my traumas.

I have come to a milestone as of today actually. I fit into my older dress that I have had as a goal to be able to fit into again. I have not been able to for many many years now. And it feels amazing! That is the biggest proof that you don't even have to go to the gym and have a super strict diet you can actually lose weight with smaller changes. And I fekt like it was going to be impossible and it felt hopeless.. but fuck! I don't know my current weight bc I haven't been able to measure myself in a while... but this was a better check than any number on a scale! I am on my way! And I am going to keep my promise to myself to get back my body that I used to have but this time I will fucking love it and take care of it and appreciate it. Because I have learned my lessons the hard way. So. Foe you out there who struggle too with weight and body image and self worth. Know that I feel you. You are the one to have to see and realise your selfworth though. And to be kind to yourself. No one can do the work for you.

I gained weight because of a lot of things one of them being mental health and medications for it. I essentially been a lab rat and I suffered more consequences than benefits from taking prescibed meds.

It is more to this. But know. We all have our own journeynand our own battles. So don't be so quick to judge. Not others and not yourself.

See instead how far you have come! And where you are in your own life. It is your story. You are the narrator. Want to change the plot? You have to be the one rewriting it.


And dare to be yourself and be different! It's not worth hiding. People will stare and judge no matter what you look like and no matter how you act. Just start by not giving a single fuck about their opinions and start putting in some effort and invest in yourself. Because in the end all you've got in life is yourself.