Lixxendreams blogg

Right now. i feel like just giving up. I cant sleep.. something inside me makes me wanna dissapear.. when you are reading this.. maybe its too late.. i really, really just wanna leave.. i wanna leave this world.. i feel like i've never been able to show anyone the actual lve inside of me.. i feel like i've never been the son you've always wanted.. i have always been thinking of just giving up.. i just wanna sleep.. never wake up.. people could forgive.. and forget me.. im not that big of a deal.. i hate myself.. i hate everything about me.. im bad at everything.. i have a bad personality.. i am bad in school.. im just a big dissapointment.. this is a way for me to say goodbye.. i wish to actually tell it infront of you..


Please.. my wish is for you guys to live on... Without me..

I LOVE YOU ALL..

I am today confessing my deed, myself. All the hopes I have are falling a part one by one. I don?t have anybody to share my feelings. Alone and lost. Like a sailor in the deep ocean without any compus, fighting everyday with the weather, the tides, the storms, who is sailing with the help of sun by the day and starts at night. My thesis is at stake, I am always afraid that my visa decision may come, I couldn?t be a good son, couldn?t be a good brother, couldn?t be a good lover. I didn?t find any job for me till now, I am trying a lot. And, the person I love with all of my existence gives me shit, though I made her the sun and the star of my life and I am trying to find the land with the help of it. Doesn?t matter, people only say about love, but those get washed away who believes in it. Most of the people say, there is no true love ?. after going through some bad relationships, but, unfortunately its not love, when somebody becomes a part more than your existence then we can say its a true love. Unfortunately I have loved and got washed away. I have been bullied, called a jerk a thousand times by the common friends but if you really love someone, you will compromise even your ego. So, I decided as long as I am near, I will do things at least to make her comfortable. Its not a scar, its a crack, ha ha ha. I am a jealous guy in this matter, I am not possessive but it hurts like anything when you see your loved one with others, doing the same what you have dreamt about ? and you are getting pushed further and further. It happened, once, happened twice ?. I dont know how many more I have to see. But I also decided, all or nothing, if I dont get a job and also success in my thesis, then there will be no more of me. She says, I am self-destructive, she thinks I am a jerk, full of arguments, illogical, ?. overall again a jerk, a freak, a weirdo. But unfortunately, I am lying cause I love her, I have become hypocryte cuz I love her, I have to shut my emotions cuz I love her, ?.. I have made my goal cuz I love her. I want to say all these things to her one day ?.. if I get a job here, if I can be on m I will by feet, thene on my knees to ask her to be my girl. I wish I could be better in expressing myself that how do I feel for her, one thing I can say is, we all love our lives and for a few person we can even sacrifice our lives, and she is one of them for whom I can sacrifice myself, even my existence. Anyway, this is not the thing right now, maybe I am really thinking too much, but this is me, if there will be nothing ?.. there will be no more me. People will forget, parents will be very hurt and sad, I hope they will forgive me, I am not too much religious but I believe in GOD, I pray if I have done something good please give those to my loved ones and give me all their sins, anyway I am going to hell. Now days I think I really lived in a fantasy world, I can't feel anything anymore, only a stabbing pain in the head, voices are screaming inside my ears, felling drunk without even drinking, cant think much, cant focus, cant do anything right. I know I have done a lot of mistakes, I did wrong to a lot of different people, I just hope that they will forgive me. Once I was like a monument infront of my own eyes, now I am smaller than an ant, I cant find any existence, may be my fantasy world and the real world collided. My own world in breaking down, I am breaking down. Feels like I am drowning deeper and deeper ? maybe it will become true. Can?t think anymore, needed to tell somebody ?. its ok. I just pray and hope that everyone in this world may be happy and live in peace, and true love will come back and people will understand that. Again i wrote a lot of nonsense things, maybe I am like this. GOD give peace to my soul. If I have the opportunity I will put flowers to my own grave and say, ''I loved you''. I don?t think that there is any afterlife, if there is, then see you over there. Lets see what happens, still I have some hopes, I want to live badly and I love her.

Hey.
I'm not writing this for attention. Nor that I want help. Because I know it is too late for me.
But not for YOU. When you read this I might already be dead,
I might be in the hospital because of an overdose.
I might have put someone in a hospital because of a fight.
Or i might be slicing through my skin with my knife. Or maybe be thinking of taking my life.
....Or I might be just sitting here watching over you commenting this...
But I am not writing this for ME.
I am writing this for YOU.
YOU have survived this far.
YOU have gone through everything this far.
YOU are still alive. Maybe your body is full of scars. Or you've just started thinking about self harming and suicide.
I'm proud to know that I've made you survive these last few seconds by writing something about completely nothing. You may be reading this crying, while cutting. Or you may be reading this as you stand on the chair about to take the step that will end your life.
Or as you're in the hospital after failing of taking it.
I just wanted to say that I am proud of you.
You've survived this far.
YOU, on your own. Have gone through so much.
I just Need you to put the knife down, and Cry Out. I Need you to slowly but steady take off the rope around your neck and sit on it as you can cry and let it all out.
If you need to scream, then scream. It's okey to let it all out, just not on your body.
Now, even if it's hard. I need you to tell your parents. And if you can't, I need you to tell the one you trust the most. There are the best numbers to call if you're not strong enough to tell someone face to face.
Now, as you are reading this. I may already be gone. In hell, or in another world where everything is perfect.
Watching over you, seeing you read this and and making the right choice.
Stay strong, it's okey to let it all out. But just not on your body.


Sencerely, a Nobody.?

THE VOICE
Trying to give an individual a voice has always kind of been my mission in my life. As an actor, i've always seen that was something that was needed to be done. You need to find that voice inside of you so that you can stand up and be who you really are.

THE INTEGRITY
In my life, I'm just looking for that life of integrity that my father had. I have a good heart; I'm not a heartbreaker. It is time to remember that old wisdom our soldiers will never forget: that whether we are black or brown or white, we all bleed the same red blood of patriots, we all enjoy the same glorious freedoms, and we all salute the same great National Flag.
THE BEAUTIFUL THING ABOUT ALL SCARS There is something beautiful about all scars of whatever nature. A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed, healed, done with.

I DONT FEEL UNLUCKY IN LOVE ANYMORE.
I don't feel unlucky in love anymore, and it's not all emo. It's a scary place to be in when you're like: 'What am I supposed to write about now? I don't feel heartbroken, so now what? Ta bort kommentarcissi7606Look at The bright side... You have your hole life in front of you.... You are going to fall in love multiple times and getting heartbroken as many times.... Byt you Will go out stronger and stronger every time and when you at least expect it you have found the love of your life.
THE SUFFERING Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.
YOU LEFT, AND I CRIED. You left and I cried tears of blood. My sorrow grows. Its not just that You left. But when You left my eyes went with You. Now, how will I cry?

LOVE PROBLEMS
We used to be together Cuddling close to each other What came between our beautiful love? I don't know, though I wish to
I can see you now, not alone You're holding a hand that's not mine Where am I? Why not next to you? Why am I away? I don't understand
You're smiling to the fullest I am not the one making you happy You are glancing at someone else Why is it not me? Seeing you after such a long time... My heart sighs again Something inside me growls loud
I stand some distance well away But the surroundings disappear When I look at you, I feel lost inside I wish you back, my angel
There you are, holding his hand And I am lost, trying to understand... I want you back, I really do Just to hold your hand And walk with you

MY LIFE
'I have never been particularly good at explaining myself. But in short, my life has been a disaster. I have always been the person who wants to show as much love as possible, but I have never dared to say if I thought something was wrong or dared to say what I think or thought. Depression here and there, I've been so deep when I've been hurt by myself because I've never been able to give all I want for those i love.'
I hate myself, i really do. i hurt myself because its a way t release the pain inside. Well, i guess u think that im stupid cuz i hurt myself and that i should ask for help. The thing is.. i dont want that help people want to give me.. my older brother told me to write on a reddit.. and i give him credit for that!. I've been suicidal, i've been things your family, friends and people who actually care dont want to see. And im still, There is no light without darkness. There is someting alot of ppl tell me all the time; There have been times when I felt suicidal and I would stop my head from going in that direction of negativity because I thought there'd be something I'd miss that was funny in the future. If there's a chance I'm going to laugh tomorrow then want to live to experience that and People who express suicidal feelings are least likely to act on them. The thing is, i wanna give every single person in my life a big THANK YOU! and dont forget that i actually love you.

But let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

Instagram; https://www.instagram.com/robinborglund/
Snap; amazinggsr
Feel free to follow to be a part of my lifetime.

God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him. Yet his shadow still looms. How shall we comfort ourselves, the murderers of all murderers? What was holiest and mightiest of all that the world has yet owned has bled to death under our knives; who will wipe this blood off us? What water is there for us to clean ourselves?

Love myself I do. Not everything, but I love the good as well as the bad. I love my crazy lifestyle, and I love my hard discipline. I love my freedom of speech and the way my eyes get dark when I'm tired. I love that I have learned to trust people with my heart, even if it will get broken. I am proud of everything that I am and will become.