......

I try so hard to stay focused but yet im way to weak.
my head is messing around and hurts me with memories, words, and not so quite nice thoughts. it all make me feel so unsure about my life.
I've always known what i've always wanted. And i have never been this unsure before.

How can you love someone, but at the same time crying over it?
How are you suppose to respond to a thought you dont wanna think , tho you know its only the truth?
How are you suppose to live your life if you are afraid of almost every moving pieces?
How are you suppose to go on, when all the memories are haunting you?


Are you suppose to push away the one you love because you are afraid of losing em' ?
Are you suppose to hide, when you cant think about another reasonable answer?
Are you suppose to cry when you everything you ever wanted is in your palms of your hands?


why am i so afraid of my emotions?
why am i not good enought for me?
why cant i for once , NOT exist in my own life....?
why am i still alive , when there's no reason for it?


cuz i cant go on feeling like this..
i cant go on crying every night until i fall asleep....
i cant go on , feeling the pain in my heart..
i cant go on , crying over something that isnt even true..


i dont wanna have you all around me all the time...
how do you get rid of something that is a part of yourselfe?
How do you get rid of the memories thats haunting you?
HOW do you tell someone the truth.....without crying....?


the pain i feel is unbearable,
im fighting against myselfe
and i who thought that this was already over....
the memorise about me crying alone , screaming without sound. crying without confort... all alone..


THAT's my biggest fear....why?

why is the question, but yet. the answer i cannot tell.