Last night I cried

You looked at my face as the tears started to flow.
You asked me to open up and try to let go.
Let go of the walls, let go of the fear.
You said that you won’t leave, you’ll be right here.
As much as I hate that I gave in to you,
I know there was nothing else I could do.
You made me confront some things I didn’t want to.
But, it just kinda happened, I shared them with you.
I have no idea how you got in my head,
Or how you got me to say the things I said.
You said you don’t want my body until you have my heart.
But, I just don’t even have a clue where I should start.
I have up my walls, and I have up my guard.
I’m sure you understand, but this stuff is hard.
Hard for me to admit it to myself, nonetheless you.
You claim that you’re real, and what you say is true.
As much as you know what I’m about to say,
I’m not ready to believe that, not today.
It has nothing to do with you, it’s all about me.
But, I can’t give you my heart, because it isn’t free.
My heart is still broken, and trying to mend.
Right now I just need you to be my friend.
I know you think this should be more than that.
But, right now that’s not where I’m at.
I hope you understand you got a very special part of me.
You got more of me than many others will ever see.
You saw me cry, and shed those tears.
I shared with you my hurts and fears.
It was so uncomfortable to let you see me like that
You seeing me vulnerable, me sharing where I’m at.
I’m scared. I’m hurt. I’m confused and afraid.
Looking at you next to me in that place that you laid.
I know that I send you mixed messages and all,
But, I’m not ready to open up or let down that wall.
You asked me not to leave you or push you away.
I just don’t know what to think, do, feel or say.
I’ll let you be my friend, I’ll let you be a part.
But, I have to be honest, you can’t have my heart.
My heart is in hiding, and it can’t be found.
I know how familiar that must sound.
I have to keep the control that I hold on to so tight.
I know it might not be fair, and it might not be right.
But in order to take care of me that’s where I’m at.
I know you say you’re not like every other cat.
And that might just be true, that might be the case.
But I’m just not ready, I’m not in that place.
So respect me today, and read these words.
Know that right now, I’m still just too hurt.