ungdomen förlorad

"Fuck missing you
at 3 in the morning.
That’s not what
missing someone
is all about.
I missed you
yesterday at 1:27 pm
after I’d just left school,
right after seeing you.
I missed you
at 2:37 pm
when I was buying
myself food
with my family
and I wondered
how lunches were
in your family.
I missed you
at 5:13 pm
when I was
working out
on my treadmill
and blasting out
I Have Nothing
by Whitney Houston.
I missed you
at 7:45 pm
when I was watching
reruns of Friends
and I pondered over
what you could be doing
at 7 at night.
I missed you
at 10:56 pm
when I should’ve been
in bed already,
but instead
I still waited for you
to text me
and tell me
for the very first time
that you finally
missed me.
But I don’t miss you
at 3 am,
but not because
I don’t love you,
but because I then know
you don’t love me.
And I’m tired
of missing people
who don’t miss me.
"You will miss him no matter 
how nicely or how badly he 
treated you and no matter 
how long or how little you 
had him you will miss 
him and you will want him 
to be the one that comforts
you and you will want to know 
why he did this to you and you 
will scream at the world and be 
angry even at the flowers that 
grow from the soil of the earth 
and you will collapse on the floor 
like a leaf falling from its tree and 
you will feel lost like a tourist in a 
foreign city and you will feel so 
numb that you will have to check 
if your heart is even beating and 
I am not going to sugarcoat it for 
you and I am not going to tell you 
that he will come back and lift you 
out of your grave because the truth 
is you will have to stitch your body
back together and you will have 
to be the one that cleans the 
waterfall of tears that have 
splashed your cheeks and no
matter how much you wish 
for him to come back you will 
have to learn that most stars 
are already dead in light-years 
and you have to be the one 
that fixes your own gears of 
your contraption because
you are the only one that can 
swim when you are drowning 
in your own blood."



I hate you