speakminds blogg

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Yesterday i went to see this....<img src="http://i1352.photobucket.com/albums/q651/lmhowes/Photo02-11-2012190144.jpg" alt="" class="right_img block_img"> ...with Ellens family. It was so bitterly cold. I felt numb. Ellen barely acknowledged me, a few words...she held my hand in the car for a short while, but pulled away. I hold no grudge, her family do not approve of me. The glow from the fire was the evenings grace, it brought back a welcomed nostalgia.

Done nothing but swedish today. i just want to talk to her, but she has so many people telling her how cute and much they want to be with her all the time. i dont have a single hope in hell. swedish only distracts me for so long. i wrote her something and she cried. she said she hasnt cried in a while.. i dont know if i like that i made her cry, i like that it meant enough. i want to hold her and make her feel whole again. it doesnt help that im so fucking awkward. <br> <br>Ellens 18 next month, ill have to stand in a room full of people i care nothing about listening to modern shit... <br> <br>fuck that.

I want to move. I want to move to a country i know barely anything about. I want a camera, to take pictures no one will look at but me. I want to write and play guitar and live off tea. I want to do nothing for the rest of my life but read and fuck and feel something. <br> <br>leaving school is a bad idea, i dont want to fuck up the only chance i have. to get to stockholm i need swedish B. I'm A1 at best. <br> <br>Working and learning is an uphill struggle when you're lost, i'll tell you that for free.

my ellens away for the week doing some kind of work in scotland. i had 3 free periods today and they all sucked. i walked round town for a bit but im not getting important shit done.

swedish people come at me.