litendjevels blogg

If I am climbing. Why does it feel like I'm falling?
If I am swimming. Why does it feel like I'm sinking?
If people love my poems. Why does it feel like I need to shut up?
If I want to escape. Why do I feel so stuck?
If I want to write. Why can't I remember any words?
If I want to burn. Why can't someone start a fire?
If I want to love you. Why can't you let me?

Dreams can fool you, dreams can trick you to do stuff
You may seem cool, untouched because you may act tough
But I can see right through you, I know I will
You'll be unaware, busy with the quest you must fulfill
You wont see it coming, your faith will be in the way
"You wont feel anything, it'll be quick." Some might say
I'll say: "Don't listen to them, you'll die of fright before it even starts."
You are scared but you can't back out now, you have to play your part
You can't choose to be in, you can't get out, it's not your choice
One day you'll wake up thinking it's a normal day but you'll hear a voice
A voice you didn't think could be real, it wont protect you, it wont be a shield
A voice that will give you tasks that you have to do, it wont care how you feel
While living in this which probably will feel like a nightmare
You'll be deaf, you'll slowly turn numb and they will cut off your tongue if you try to share
But they know that you wont dare

There is nothing that can put me in place now
I'm innocent but some people still ask themselves: How?
At least I didn't commit any horrifying crime
At least it isn't me who is making up and doing my time
Of course I am happy that I'm not put in jail
But the killer is still free, tying more victims to the train rail
I don't know who it is but he shouldn't be alive
He should be murdered by gunshots or multiple stabs of a knife

It's hard for me to live in a world like this
I have many times tried to kill myself but I've missed
I have to find a way to move on and forget how you
Managed to do those things a human shouldn't be able to pull through

How can somebody go free by fleeing underground?
How can somebody disappear and never, ever again be found?
How can anybody, with everyone else looking, move without making any sounds?

Think about the new generation and all the children
Think about your family, your neighbors and all your friends
Think about the future and what a bad role model you are
With idiots like you, who wont change, this universe wont go far

We all have to work together against people like him
Anybody alone can't do it! I'm telling you, it can't only be me!
Don't you fell the aggression and the passion? Don't you want to be free?
We all have to work together as a unit, as a team - Are you understanding?
Do you see what I'm trying to tell you? Do you see what I mean?

I'll take an aspirin to cover up my pain
I'll disappear for some days but later come back again
I'll do anything to never show my fears
I'll be strong and swallow all my tears
You'll scream, you'll kick, you'll fight
Even though you know I was right
You'll cry, you'll show how you feel
Only then I know it's for real

Only then I'll know you are for real

The only reason why I'll cover up my pain
Is that I want to get to know you again
We'll talk about our fears
We'll share all our tears
We'll cry together late at night
We'll know that we are doing right
I'll cry, I'll show you how I feel
Only then you'll know it's for real

Only then you'll know I am for real

Over the mountains, over the hills, this is how I want to live
Under the surface, going in for the kill, this is how I wanna feel
Tricking and luring, casting by black-blue eyes, never standing still
Always being sure, I'll watch you while you fry, this is how I will

Going back, going forth, going against for whatever I will
Standing still, only for the thrill of the kill, whenever I will
Creeping, crawling, good riddance to you, I'm going in for the kill
The kill remains silent behind walls of glass, wherever I will

Casting a spell of water so still that you never want to live or kill
Drinking the water so still that you never move or feel the thrill
Hiding behind black-shadow-blue eyes, bathing in the water so still
That I still feel the will to live with the thrill of silent kills

Running through the cities, jumping over mountains and lakes of water so still
Crawling through the jungle, flying through the sky, I want and I will
Seeking blood and vengeance, I see the blood in your veins froze still
Your screams remains silent behind walls of glass if I so will
Thrill creeping up my spine, this is how I love and live, I'm willing to go in for the kill

När du ser mig vad tänker du då?
Att jag inte går att motstå?

Du säger att du hatar
Ändå står du kvar här och pratar?

Du kan gå om du vill
Men du står kvar helt still

Du är alltid kvar
För att lämna mig utan svar?

Varför kommer du alltid tillbaka igen?
Varför försöker du vara min vänn?

Varför gillar du mig?
För att jag kanske är lik dig?

Är jag inte jobbig? Är jag inte dum?
Vill du inte elimineras ur universum?

Du vet att allt jag säger och allt jag gör
Kommer du behöva dras med tills du dör!

Varför gör du som du gör?
Jag frågar och frågar men det verkar inte som du hör...

We run away
We run, run and run
We never stopped or stayed
And now I can't remember what we ran from

Memories they haunt
So I turned off my heart and brain
And now I just can't
Open up them again

My body burns
Just like I'm on fire
I will never learn
I will always remain tired

With only dirt under my nails
I can't seem to find back
Walking on empty roads and rails
Until I realized I lost track

Pull myself together
I just have to try
I don't want to do this forever
I'm still too young to die

När du föddes så fanns du äntligen
I denna stora värld var du min enda vänn
Jag vet inte vad jag tänkte egentligen
Min plan för dig var nämligen inte uttänkt än

Du var liten men underbart fin
Du var ingen annans du var bara min
men jag tog inte hand om dig, jag rökte, drack alkohol och vin
Jag trodde jag levde ett hemskt liv men det var bara i fantasin

En kväll led vi båda av hungersnöd
Jag kunde ingenting göra och tillslut somnade vi med varandra som stöd
När jag vaknade hade din själ gått från blå till röd
Jag försökte rädda dig men du var redan död

Känns det bra när hunden pissar på dina skor?
Känns det bra att bli sviken av alla människor?
Känns det bra när sviken blir till tröst?
Känns det bra när du gnider pisset mot ditt bröst?

Orkar du springa upp för ett vattenfall?
Orkar du stjäla en häst från sitt stall?
Orkar du tro på allt som inte finns?
Orkar du glömma allt som du minns?

Vill du dö för att komma härifrån?
Vill du tömma ditt huvud på sågspån?
Vill du tro att du kan vinna denna strid?
Vill du tro på en bättre framtid?

Me without you is like a shoe without laces,
a nerd without braces,
people without faces,
or a sentence without spaces.

To know I can't be with you
is something I can't lie through,
knowing that it will never be me & you
is something I know I can't do.

I know you don't want to se it
but you need to admit,
life without knowing eachother is shit,
I'm sorry but we need to quit.

The difference is there
I know you don't care
But I don't know if I dare,
love like this is rare.
I know I need to be aware,
if it brakes it impossible to repair,
I feel the heartbraking fear
but this is something we cannot share,
is like I can't wake up from a bad nightmare.

I tried to figure it out
in that I have no doubt.
There is only one person to blame
and that's the one who think it's all a game

I'm sorry but we can't be friends,
I'm telling so I can stop pretend
we will never be boy-girlfriend,
including what happen on the weekends.

You have to go back to being you
then I can try to go back to be me,
I can't lie anymore this is what we have to do
I know you don't want to but you have to see.

You will come over me
when you do, you'll feel free.
You also know what comes next
all you just read in this text.