BloodyZombie23

You should talk to me, really it?s fucking crazy i know you think im the sad clown but you don?t know how i feel, do you know why i do this? Do you really know? No you don?t you think you can solve my problems by ignoringing them, No thats not true, you don?t see me you can?t see me. You don?t live in my head you only see the world as you wish my master. You think im crazy, i am a very sad man, im sorry, really sad and so it is. Why is life so hard? Fuck everything gets harder every year, i think i live in the wrong country or maybe the wrong planet.

Today i feel abit more social but i also started conversations with random people here on emocore. 2 blocked me but beside that incident it was nice acting wierd and get an answer for once. I can?t even have a normal conversation with people im so afraid of getting rejected.

Are you afraid of getting rejected is that why you ignore me? Or do you feel ignored? Well if thats the case don?t worry, you are the last person i will reject.

I need to find new friends because the life i live now is really making me sick.

You are forgiven for calling me Pathetic, i don?t want to fight over that shit.

I will write out my thought even if you like it or not. I feel the need to express myself and you can?t take that away from me. If you block me out you only making it harder.

Please understand that i know what it?s like to be shy, i get a nervous breakdown everytime i go for a jobinterview or needs to call someone i don?t know.

Videogames are a form of escape from reality. It?s a waste of time but it?s fun, it?s gives me more anxiety in the long run but it?s a lifestyle. I would probably not play games if i had more friends.

How people treat others is often a reflection of how they feel. You probably feel Pathetic and that?s why you called me that. It made me angry because i took that as an insult. If you would have been honest about your feelings instead of calling me Pathetic you would have made my life easier, and probably yours to.

You want to come across as stronger than you feel. But that is not who you are, always be true to the person you are. If you are afraid of being rejected out of fear of seeming weak or getting ridiculed or being bullied you are on the wrong path. Don?t hide your pathetic side, if that?s how you feel then show me how pathetic you can be.

I thought about writing this one in Swedish but then i thought again, would you answer if i write in Swedish? Is that the reason your not answering? Might be the case but i doubt that. I need to figure out a way to make you answer me, No matter how pathetic it might look i need to find a way, the future is important and i can not waste to much time on nonsence, i can?t guess what you think.

But since you haven?t blocked me here i guess it?s okey.

I can?t see your art here, with is boring, i liked commenting on your art, not all the time but sometimes.

I should start a blog i think. It feels more like bloging out my thouhts than anything else. So yeah why not got nothing better to do.

Im trying to find myself a work, with is kinda hard. 2 out of 20 places called me to a interview. I was close getting one of them and maybe i did, they just didn?t tell me when to work so i thought i wasn?t welcome to their enterprise.

You see first i thought i would be really be something, a actor or something really cool and funny, now i realise i should be happy If i find myself a work before i get kicked out of the house. Atleast that?s how i feels.

Cause im about to leave soon, don?t know where. Maybe im gonna end up in jail.

But that doesen?t seem to bad honestly except all the crazy people.

Already feels inprisoned in my own mind,

I got one rule in my mind. I can?t leave before the realise of Red Dead Redemption 2.

I really have to play that game first, can?t do anything stupid before i played the game.

I think that will be the last game i buy, then it?s thank you and good bye to gaming unless something in my life changes. If im still in this place when winter comes i think i will take my shit and leave, heading straight in to the unknown and then maybe try to get in jail.

I think it?s better to be in jail than to be homeless atleast in the winter.

But who knows. Maybe i got myself a job and everything works out fine.

But worst case i will end up in jail, cause that?s there i think my future is, and i will probably end up inprisoned sooner or later.

Yes i got a plan, but not a good one.

I will have to think more about this, but it sure is gonna work i think i can make it i will make it. That?s my logical thinking. If you want it and just think hard enought and really wish for it it happens, not in the exact way you thought but you always gets what you asks for.

I don?t really know what i want, im getting tired and soon i will probably sleepwalking, am haft awake half asleep now, goodmorning.

Why did i even write this shit? Yeah Well fuck it i will read it tomorrow

Hello again. My life is a mess right now. I don?t have any work and really nothing to do on the days except playing games, i try to play less videogames and stop it but it?s hard i have been a gamer for 20 years.

Nowadays i feel that gaming is a waste of time, and i feel the need to to something ?better? with my life. Maybe im just depressed but this is something i feel stronger the older i get.

Like i wasted to many years on gaming, if i didn?t start gaming maybe i would be a happier person today.

When i go to a job interview and they ask what i do in my sparetime i say i play videogames, and many times i get rejected because of that, then i always feel like a fool.

Videogames are my life. I know everything about some games, i have completed some games to 100%.

I have really fucked up my life, but i tell myself that videogames is the only drug i need.

I don?t do any drugs, and don?t feel any need to either. Only videogames.

You might think im anoying commenting all the time. Well it?s actually anoying to me when you ignore me.

The more games or gaming characters you draw the more interesting you get, at least in my eyes.

I mean i have been living in the gaming world for 20 years. What did you think would happen?

I have really felt like shit the last years, i have had a few good days but most of the time everything was shit.

Our time is not forever, i got reminded of that when my father died. I was really feeling shit for caring more about my games than anything else, i was spending the whole christmas alone playing videogames 100 miles away. Last time i met my father was last summer, i knew he was sick but i didn?t realised that he would soon be dead.

I don?t know if you listen or even care at all, i don?t expect you to care.

We all got our reasons for doing what we do.

You don?t know my whole life story and i don?t know yours, so misunderstandings might very well happen, but that?s life. Just don?t be quick to judge, things are not always what it seems.

And honestly why am i speaking english? Well i feel more confident speaking english for some reason.

Why are you ignoring me? Sure i could have chosen better words but im no fucking robot i can?t help that im doing what am doing sometimes. Feels misunderstood by everyone more or less. I hate how everything has been, ?you are not aloud to show feelings, thats not okey, everything that matter is that you follow the rules?, Well fuck those rules, showing what you feel is better than to ignore the fact that you care. I might sound like an asshole and you probably hate me. I don?t blame you for hating me, and if you do hate me it?s because you don?t understand me, people hate what they don?t understand. It?s lack of understanding that leads to hate. Anger is the result of unexpressed fear. Always remember that anger and hate are two different things. There is always fear behind anger and lack of understanding behind hate. I bet you hate me, because you don?t understand me. I understand you at some level so i don?t hate you, belive me i really don?t hate you, even if you ignore me all the time. It makes me angry because you are playing with my fears even if you don?t realise it.