PANIC!

I apologize in advance for this big chunk of text scribble

I'm in total panic mode right now! I have no idea of what I shall do! My body is out of sync (More than usual) my thoughts are more spread then ever! My body is shaking ten times more than usual!... it's total chaos in my head right now ... And, all because of this ONE fucking WONDERFUL person ... Who I can't get out of my head ... This guy is the most amazing, loving, careful, funny, cute and dedicated person I can think of right now! He is so amazing in so many ways I can't ever start talking about it ... Seriously ... I have no idea how I shall start nor finish ... He was the first guy I ever kissed ... And, for me being a Free (Out of the closet) bisexual guy for 7-8 years ... It should have happened earlier ... But I don't regret not kissing a guy before ... For this was ... Incredible ... You see. He and his brother are here in Skåne for the moment catching up with me and my brother. So, we four have spent the week sins Sunday at my brother's apartment. So when we were meting them at the train station in Kristianstad. Linus came up to me and said, "Jag får en puss" and I said no. He refused my refusal ... And, still tried. But failed and went on without the kiss. We left my Beloved friends (who was there with me from the beginning) And went to my brother's car. We took of to Maxi, To buy the food for the Week, Linus is the chef (An amazing one to!), We were there for about an hour, and then we took of to my brother's apartment. The evening went by and it was about 12am, when Linus suddenly asked me, "Robert, Varför ville du inte pussa mig på stationen?" And my response was "bland annat För att jag har aldrig har pussat en kille innan :$". Daniel (Linus Brother) Bursts out and says, "VA!? NEJ!? kom hitt då" Linus gets a "mad" Look at Daniel and says, "NEJ han är min". And, it kind of ends in laughter. The night passes by and we decided to spoon o.O, So frikkin' cosy! He asked my while we spooned "Du när du sa att det bland annat var för att du inte hade pussat en kille, Vad var det mer" I responded with something like "Vet inte redigt, kan varit att mina kompisar var där" Sins I don't like public. Kissing in Public is something I have a hard time doing. The night passes and now my brother awakes to go to his job. (Woohoo A successful person is among us :D) When he leaves ... we decided to move from the sofa to his bed ... We lie down, I'm the small spoon, but not for long. You se, I decided to turn around so I could face him ... When I do this, I'm shaking because he reaches out for me with his head ... And, went for a kiss ... Sins this is a really good friend of mine I decided to go with it ... And, getting my First Same sex kiss ... To be honest ... It ... Was ... Amazing isn't a good enough word! It was everything that is the opposite of bad! I loved it!.. I loved it ... It took me all the power in my body to force myself to not get a boner ... And, I failed ... which Says a lot Sins I have a massive power over my body and Blood ... After the kissing, we started talking about random stuffs. It ended with him telling story about his latest Ex GF ... And, I just felt so sorry for him ... It almost made me cry ... And, I don't usually cry ... We decided to go and take a smock. When we get back in the room I take the inside of the bed (Oh and a notation! I have oversized pants, and they usually have some types of in-built Belt On the sides, Linus Challenged Me to loosen them Before we went back to bed. And, so I did.) When we lied in the bed once again......Things got out of hand ... Quickly!... And, some seconds later ... Well I almost had no pant nor underwear on me any more... (This part i will leave out ... For this is to privet ... But I will say ... That ... I loved every second of what happened) after this "Dramatic Turn of Events" (reference) happened, I had to go to school! So I had to leave the bed :'( gave him a good-bye kiss end Left ... the day passes by and it's now night, I'm sleeping and I have this bad dream... (And me getting a dream that I can remember is rare ... VERY rare) but this ... I remember it clear as day! You see."Linus has a problem which I cannot explain" (reference) but it forces him to leave my life for a TOO long time ... Everything from three-weeks ... To two years...... And, simply what my dream was about was him leaving ... But not for three-week, nor two years ... But forever ... To a place I cannot follow to ... And, I woke up, Tears are falling down my eyes and I cry ... I cry the most I have ever cried sins my mother's funeral ... I think it went on for about 20 minutes. Constant flow of tears could barley bread ... And, my mouth is dry as the desert ... The next night I decided that I had to know ... I had to know WHY! That Monday morning played out as it did ... But the thing is ... I couldn't do it face-to-face ... I couldn't ... I tried, but my mind told me not to ... So I decided to write a letter to him ... Asking WHY it happened. Why he did what he did. And, that I didn't care what his answer would be. Because I would still love him whatever it was...... well as it looks right now ... He ... Doesn't remember it ever happening ... So that "I don't care what your answer will be" well ... I was wrong ... Because right now ... I'm in total panic mode! I have no idea what I shall do if he doesn't remember it ... And, I know it is a possibility he won't remember it, due to the problems that I cannot explain. I'm spending this night at my "fathers" house for two reasons ... To be able to clear my mind ... And, HOPEING he will think of the actions we had together. And, hopefully remember it so he can give me a clear answer...


I'm Sorry for this MASSIVE post... But if you did read it all. please tell me by posting a :'| in the comments... if you did read it all you are a wonderful person! <3


Dark Signing off!