Happiness

I see that warm happiness between people. People who are in love, families, friends, love between animals and humans...
I see that love, the genuin smiles, the secret understandings. I hear the laughters.

And then it all becomes numb to me..


I stop feel. Not that I felt. I stop hear. Not that it was ment for me. Suddenly I feel so empty and alone. Not that anything filled my emptiness before or I belonged anywhere.

Seeing all that happy, joyful people together.... Reminds me and makes me aware of my own solitude. My silent, numb, cold solitude. There is nothing there but empty actions. Empty forced smiles to not make people angry.

Why try anymore? Everyone I ever knew has turned their back on me. Everyone I ever knew.. Not that I have ever known anyone or anyone ever known me.

My past was domed, my present is domed.. My future is probably domed... Why even try go there? What ever people say, what ever I say, there is no point in going on alone. Ever.

I have always been alone, people have always gotten tired of me. No difference from background or past. Everyone has left in the end. To me of no reason. No one told me why. No one answers why.


I just wanna leave everything and go far away from here. Not to start over new. Just... Be, be somewhere else. Then I don't have to watch people pass me by, ignoring me, knowing they once used to hang out with me. Laugh with me.
Then I will just be alone. Not ignored, ditched, out frozen and alone.

Where they all pretending all that time? How can they just cut and be fine with it? Have I never ment anything to anyone?!

I just wanna hide and try to forget my own ignorance... The solitude is always there, nothing to forget about.


Yes, I am happy. Do not ask.